Today is great because…

From the beginning

Posted: August 25th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Today | Comments Off

Today’s: The urge to quote myself.

This was the entry that spawned this blog. Agreed, this place has become less active than I envisioned. But it still serves some personal purpose. So here it is…

Via a friend’s website I found an interesting and inspiring blog. It’s written by an artist, designer, biker. The blog he writes is so interesting because it’s very personal and very positive, while questioning all the negative, less than stellar aspects of life. It’s a viewpoint I really relate to. It’s difficult for me getting older and trying to find ways to balance the responsibilities and monotony of an adult way of life with the remaining sparks of youthful vitality, urges to create and continue to grow, evolve, imagine myself as something that I may not currently be. I feel that struggle all the time. I haven’t yet done all the great things I’ve envisioned for myself. I’ve ended up in a cycle of work life and reduced social activity that makes me feel less than the person I know I am. I’m thinking, and from talking to other people, friends, and reading this blog, that it may be more of a general feeling among my age group than something I’m feeling and struggling with alone [Though I do feel like I’m struggling with it alone.] Even so, the issue becomes: how do I change the habits that are making me feel ‘less than,’ moody and generally uneasy? Are there specific changes that will result in overall happiness and contentment? (I mean contentment in the way that I’m totally satisfied with what I’m doing at any given moment, not contentment in the lazier, take-what-I-can-get way.)

Thinking about it more and more, I don’t believe there is a silver bullet. I think I was born, along with some of my peers, expecting something great out of life. Expecting too much probably. No less, wanting my life to be filled with wonder and personal progress.

What I’m starting to believe might be the real problem is that my life is already filled with many wonderful things, but I don’t see them or I ignore them and instead focus on the negatives. So this is an experiment in happiness.

In the abstract

Posted: August 19th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Inspiration, Today | Comments Off

Everything is just different now. Days have a way of doing that to me, spinning past and leaving in their wake a different kind of life. Creating a new definition for the term “day-to-day”. I think about sayings like that, which are meant to describe the boring monotony of how we all tend to live our lives. Definitions can be changed. They are not inherent in the words, we create and interpret their meaning. Just like I think we can shape and change the way we let the words define ourselves. Or even better, choose different words to tell our story.

When the comfort has worn off all the edges that once could have poked holes in a bloated and false personal perception, I find that I’m as far away from myself as I could ever be. The truth comes when there’s no one around to believe the lies I’ve been telling myself. To get past this point, I needed to blow out the box that was me, separate from my day-to-day life and see where the pieces land, then reconstruct. I came out of it different. Potentially better. Potentially just different. But closer to the truth for sure.

If you want the real truth, I’ve never been so anxious in my life. It’s a kind of non-stop buzz of unease running through my entire body from the time I wake up until when I’m rolling in my sheets trying to sleep. I love it and I hate it.

My body will be forced through more from August 1st of this year to the end of September than probably at any other 2-month period in my life. That’s a lot of pressure for a body whose reconstructed pieces still feel a little weak at the seams. But it’s best to blow them out again before they become too secure in their places.

I’m excited to see everything continue to change. (What a statement!)

our selfishness

Posted: August 9th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

Thanks for letting me know that I was too late, but had I been on time everything would have been better.
I hate you for telling me that.

Today’s: Learning.

Breaking habits

Posted: August 6th, 2009 | Author: | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

I’m starting to believe that life can go on without Facebook.

Today’s: Eating lunch at Seward Cafe with my bud L-say. The weather was perfect and Seward patio is always calm and pleasant. On top of that there was an hour-long diversion from work.
A nice lunch with a friend can put a nice top on an otherwise boring day of work. I don’t remember many of the 100s of bowls of soup I’ve gotten from our ‘cafeteria’ (ha!). None were remarkable in any way. But a lunch to decompress with a friend sets this afternoon apart from all of those other drab days of eating a sandwich in my cube while I continue to work through the lunch hour or choking down another bowl of tasteless veggie chili.